Helping our children to problem solve with this simple 2-step process: Reflection and question.

“Since the jobs that our preschoolers will do probably don’t exist yet, our priority is to teach them the skills to adapt and inquire and question and cooperate…life skills. So much more useful than rigid concepts such as the alphabet.” ~ Caroline Bellouse

As adults, our go-to is so often to quickly solve our children’s problems for them. When two children are fighting over a toy we come in to help by telling them what to do… “First “A” can play with the toy and the “B” can have a turn”.

I remember many years ago the first time I tried this problem-solving concept out in the preschool. I noticed two children fighting over a particular toy in the classroom and went over to ask what was happening. First I asked each child what their grievance was, both exclaimed they wanted to play with the same horse. Rather than jumping in with a solution… this time I said…

“Hmmm “A” wants to play with the horse and “B” wants to play with the same horse…I wonder what a solution could be?”

By stating the problem and asking each child for a solution, they took ownership over their conflict and problem solved together. In the end they decided it best to take turns.

This was an incredible moment for me and has changed the way I deal with conflict in the classroom and the home. You will be amazed how reflecting the problem and asking children to think up different solutions creates wonderful problem solving skills from a very early age!

If a child is struggling to come up with solutions then I will come up with some ideas too…but these are ideas to ponder upon together rather than me telling them exactly what to do.

An example of using this concept at home would be when both children are needing something from one adult at the same time!

I would say, “Zakai I can see you have so much energy right now and you are asking to play on the trampoline with me, and Kamali, you have explained how you would really like to sit and read together right now ….and I am only one person so can’t do two things at the same time….hmmmm…what ideas could we come up with to find a solution here?”

The children usually come up with many different ideas and we are able to find a compromise together.

This process does not work every time, but it is a wonderful way to start introducing problem solving and conflict resolution ways of thinking.

We would love to hear what happens if you try this approach in your home? Please do share some of your stories or questions with us.